morocco-bound: May 2011

One day, during the wedding week, I went home after school to find that my host family was gone, and was told to go over to Kristin's house and hang out there. Kristin's host sister, Habiba, told us we were going to get henna and then go to the big house for more wedding celebrations. Henna is sort of a big production, involving someone very carefully drawing on both sides of your hands with a syringe full of smelly paste, so we sit down on the couch and wait for Habiba's friend Aisha to do all of our hands. Normally, you just sit and let it dry, while also patting sugar water on it that helps the color set, but we had to go to the wedding and didn't have time to finish putting the stuff on my hands.

When we got to the wedding, Kristin and I went in to sit in the bride's room with a bunch of women, and are chatting (in English) about adjusting to life in Morocco. We were both agreeing about how to a certain extent it involves letting go of control over a lot of little things during the day, like eating dinner before 10:30 pm or not ingesting a pound of sugar each day. Meanwhile, the henna on our hands is still drying, and Habiba asks one of the women for sugar water. The woman comes back with a cup of sugar water, but Habiba is gone, so the woman goes to hand the glass to me, but my hands are all sticky with henna, so I put my hands up to indicate that I can't take it and could she put it on the table. However, instead of putting it on the table, she holds it up to my face and pours the water into my mouth. Habiba walks back into the room at this moment, sees the woman pour sugar water into my mouth and me spit it out in surprise, and just about dies laughing.

So an abbreviated version of the rest of the wedding, since that was about a month ago now (oops):

Though I thought I had understood that the wedding would last three days, and I would be missing the third day since we were going to hub, we came back to find that the third day hadn't happened yet, and Kristin and I were whisked away to a celebration that lasted until at least 4 am. Unless we missed it (which is possible), there was no actual ceremony, so no particular moment at which the bride and groom became married. Instead, the party basically lasted for about ten (!) days in total.

It took me until about three days in to realize that it was actually a double wedding: my host mom's brother and sister were both getting married. I was confused because, unlike in the U.S., where the bride and groom tend to be the center of attention at their own wedding, the two couples were essentially hidden in two different back rooms. For the first half of the week, the brides each had their own room, and then another room housed the two grooms together, with a bunch of other men. I had only been sitting with my host mom's sister, and had never met the other bride, so I just didn't realize she existed. Sometimes the brides would be literally hidden, as on one night, when Kristin and I were ushered into the bride room and realized she was literally huddled in a corner, completely shrouded in white except for red gauze over her face. Unclear.

Though there wasn't a real ceremony, there were a few different rituals that happened at different times. On the third night, the two grooms were dragged out of their room completely covered with a hooded robe that came all the way over their face and made to kneel on pillows in the middle of the big room. My host grandma then washed each of their heads and put what I think was kohl on their eyes, which apparently burns a lot, since they looked like they were both sort of crying. The grandma also did the same washing and applying kohl thing with two other young men, but no matter how many times and different ways I ask my host mom, I can't for the life of me figure out what it means.

Another tradition I saw was that every night for the last week of the festivities at 9:30 or 10, tons of women would show up for dinner. First everyone would get tea and these sweet wafers that I haven't seen anywhere else here, and then the brides would go around and greet every woman in the room. Greeting in general in Morocco is no joke, and for women generally entails at least three kisses on the cheek, but wedding greeting was particularly intense, so the brides would spend about half an hour stooped over and kissing every woman about seven or eight times. On the last night, my host grandma spent about two hours getting the two brides dressed up. Each of the brides had on several undergarments, followed by a fancy white caftan, several sparkly and gauzes shawls, a regular head wrap, the traditional Berber red and yellow head scarf, metal bangles that go over the scarf, and a white sheet that went over everything and affixed a small mirror to the forehead. (See picture below!)

All of this was to get ready for a literally 5 minute long parade from the back room to the street, just outside the front door, where someone washed their feet and everybody sang. Then as they walked back inside, their new husbands threw water on them, and then they went back to the room and changed. It seemed like a lot of work.

Anyways, the wedding was fun because I got to meet a ton of people (mostly women) and hear a lot of traditional music. I was sort of glad it was over, because it was exhausting constantly being around so many people that I didn't really know, and I never had any time to study or do homework we were supposed to do for class. I kept thinking how different it was from the two weddings I went to this year, that of a close family friend in the Adirondacks in September and my cousin's in Jamaica in November.

Some pictures: